Photo by Cindy Rigters

As I write this it has been 1 month since I got back home from my Latin-America travels and a thousand thoughts are occupying my mind. We explore the world, see new places, meet great people, go to exciting events, get to know other cultures – then we go home again and realize the trip finished.
Leaving friends and family behind when you leave home always seems to be the toughest part of the trip, but what about coming back home?

When we leave for a journey we always discuss how difficult it will be to miss the people that normally surround you on a weekly or maybe even daily base – the boyfriend, your friends and family. Not to forget the meeting other people abroad, making sure you stay safe, being able to blend in with the local cultures, finding out who to really trust and where you are going to stay. However, a decent traveler will be able to handle all of these things quite well and it’s actually a whole lot of fun.

During the trip you stay in touch with your friends about life back home and partly about your daily adventures abroad. Then, just before you get back, your loved ones organize to pick you up at the airport or perhaps throw an awesome surprise party for your arrival back home. You spend the first two weeks meeting with friends and family and of course as much time as you can with your boyfriend or girlfriend who hopefully waited for you back home. You tell adventurous stories, catch up with your friends who have just gotten married and have a baby nowadays, learn about the new supermarket across the street everyone always goes to since you left and get to hear the occasional ‘hey, you’re back!’ on the streets from an acquaintance.

Gain the world, lose your soul

The first couple of weeks everything about being back home is exciting and then it all just… turns into reality and you fall into a deep, narrow, dirty, stinky, black hole. You got yourself a free ticket to an emotional new roller coaster which lays right in your home town.

I did not understand why I didn’t know what to say to my friends and family as I got to spend time with them again, especially at the surprise party; I just stood there, crying and observing. I missed them terribly, but it felt as if I didn’t belong there. As if I just walked into a room where I got a déjà vu, but where I had never been before in my entire life. I still cannot place this feeling.

Everyone you see when you get back home asks you about your journey, about the adventure, about how the trip has been. I just couldn’t explain about it when they asked. As if I can explain such a long time of travels in a conversation of a couple of minutes. I soon also realized that people weren’t really that interested in what I had been doing for the last couple of months, no, they were just really happy that I got back home safely. What they actually wanted to know, was what I was going to do right now. As I mentioned earlier, the people I had left behind got married, started with kids, bought a new house, switched careers, changed their hair. However, to me nothing changed at home. Don’t get me wrong, but the thing is that when you gain the world, you lose your soul. I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I have changed because of the journey I took and most people back home will probably not understand.

Reverse culture shock

It’s also amazing to realize how we live back home in the Netherlands. The fact of people stressing over someone or even yourself arriving 5 minutes late or that the supermarket just didn’t have your favorite juice anymore in store. The way people look at you when you have a hole in your T-shirt, or someone telling me I really need to go to the hairdresser since my hair looked like a mess (alright, it did look bad, but still). I feel privileged to have met people in other countries who couldn’t afford to buy closed shoes or new jeans, but had the biggest smile on their face and spoke to me with the best sense of humor I’d ever seen, yet knowing that their life was difficult. They don’t complain, they enjoy every single great thing in life. It’s shocking to see how ignorant we can be and I find it ridiculous how easy we create a big drama about something so small, that once we really do have a problem we can’t analyze what’s really important to us anymore. I mean, I am very, very thankful for what I have and I am lucky to have been born in this country, but hey, it’s also not the best country in the world (as is none).

I knew, before I left for my big trip, that I was going to have to deal with these things once I returned and It’s like no one around me understands what is going through my mind since I’ve returned. I can easily pack my things and leave today. I could easily find a job somewhere on the track. However, that’s not what I want. I just sometimes don’t get how quick it went, how fast it all falls back into the daily routines of life back home. It’s actually quite scary.

But yes, it is nice to know where you are going to spend the night, that you will rest your head on your own pillow (or preferably on your love’s shoulder). It’s nice to know what I will find in my fridge in the morning and that I can call my closest friends and my lovely family and meet them for some coffee instead of a Skype-call. I will still have those tears of joy and sadness, but I will also continue to embrace the fact that I can find love back home and that life is what we make out of it. I do believe you create your own happiness and that I have found a big part of my happiness back home – it is another thing I was looking for.

I do wonder what kind of new adventure awaits me, wherever it might be.

‘Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.’ ~ Terry Pratchett

About Renate Rigters

Ever since I left my home country I felt at home at any other place I went to. I enjoy getting to know more cultures by talking to strangers and hearing their philosophy about life. Speaking with gestures when you can not find a shared language, finding places only the locals go to and learn about their customs and values. Hanging out with local people makes me happy. The experience of every new place is a step out of your comfort zone where I like to wander around until it feels like a second home.

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